In disturbing news today, Dr. David Duke, former award winner for hottest white supremacist and cosmetic surgery enthusiast, as well as a secret Facebook friend to various Louisiana right-wing columnists, claimed to have an unending, bordering on painful, orgasm. In a phone interview, Duke explained, “He just, he just, oh god, he just does everything I ever wanted, MAGA!” he cried.
It all started in one of the vilest pools of misinformation on the internet, Facebook, the ruiner of lives. Clad in robes of royal purple with a crown of the frozen tears of trolls, Mark “the Zuckster” Zuckerburg declared in a brief burst of decency, “Henceforth, I banish thee, Alex of Jones.”
For the uninitiated, Alex Jones is a Sandy Hook false flag fucker and an accomplished master of auto-erotic fellatio. Among his many conspiracy claims: creating gay people is a governmental chemical warfare operation; Sandy Hook children and parents are crisis actors; chemicals in water turn frogs gay.
Despite Twitter, YouTube, and finally, Facebook taking a stand against Alex Jones, one godless Oompa Loompa has come to Jones’ support, President Donald “Dirty Underpants” Trump, who tweeted, “It’s getting worse and worse for Conservatives on social media!”
The wonderful Diamond and Silk have been treated so horribly by Facebook. They work so hard and what has been done to them is very sad – and we’re looking into. It’s getting worse and worse for Conservatives on social media!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 3, 2019
Trump added, “This is the United States of America — and we have what’s known as FREEDOM OF SPEECH! We are monitoring and watching, closely!!”
I am continuing to monitor the censorship of AMERICAN CITIZENS on social media platforms. This is the United States of America — and we have what’s known as FREEDOM OF SPEECH! We are monitoring and watching, closely!!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 3, 2019
“That’s when I first got my boner!” declared David Duke. “I had no idea Trump knew what country this is! It’s like Christmas, a White Christmas!”
For those who are not batshit insane, it’s more like hell.
