Infant Gets Upset by Boat’s Name; Shits Pants

Just before leaving for his meeting with British royalty, President Donald Trump accidentally saw the USS John S. McCain after a crew of liberal hijackers trailered it to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and parked it outside the White House. Upon seeing the name of the ship, Trump cried, smearing his orange tanning juice, while simultaneously shitting himself. In a brief statement to the press, he simply said, “Wah!” and waddled back inside the White House.

The ship’s hijacker promised this was only the beginning, saying: “We’re going to follow the Giant Orange Baby wherever he goes, like Dead Heads following Jerry Garcia. We’re going to wear McCain shirts, McCain masks, and drive McCain Mobiles (Editor’s note: Yes, they have cars with hoods made to look like John McCain’s face) until the little bitch finally quits his ‘job’ or just won’t come out anymore.”

In other news, glitter-phobic Mike Pence is also refusing to come out of the White House, since every time he leaves the Vice President’s residence, God re-baptizes him with a rainbow. “The Veep is such a tool,” She exclaimed, “I just can’t seem to help Myself.”

Michael David Raso has worked as a writer, editor, and journalist for several different publications since graduating from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. If you like this piece, you can read more of his work here.

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