Uniquely New Orleans: A Guide to Short-Term Potholes

Property values continue to skyrocket, and as Airbnbs turn the city into one big short-term rental, everyone’s rent is going up as well. However, many smart New Orleanians are discovering a great solution to both Long-Term Rentals and Short-Term Rentals(STRs) as well.

Or as Jeffrey Rogers put it, “After STRs took over my neighborhood, I had nowhere to stay anymore, but then I realized that the very pothole in front of my house could be my new home.” The process of transferring from living in a home to living in a pothole was pretty simple. Rogers adds, “Really, it’s bigger than my studio apartment. All I needed to do to update it was to steal the neighbor’s cable.” And after running cable into the pothole, it was basically perfect, “Watching porn in a pothole is as easy as watching it in a house. No big difference.”

Unfortunately, even as people like Jeffrey are finding new potholes to live in, people like Kevin Ross see another opportunity. Ross says, “It’s like this–the people who think Airbnbs are too expensive need another option, so I’ve decided that Short Term Potholes (STPs) offer a more affordable way for people to enjoy our beautiful city.” Ross, who owns 15 short term rentals that required the small removal of 70 tenants to be useable doesn’t see a problem with short-term potholes, “It’s not like there’s not enough potholes to go around. There’s plenty for everyone.”

Upon hearing that potholes would make fantastic short-term rentals, Rogers broke down and cried, “Where do they expect us to live now?”

But Rogers may be in the minority, as people like Melanie Smith see it as a new opportunity, “New short-term potholes, mean new short-term jobs,” Smith explained.

And Smith is right: there are already many new lowing-paying jobs being created just for pothole cleaning alone. But the big opportunity is expansion. James Wilson explained, “People, they need bigger potholes, ‘cuz bigger potholes equal bigger homes.” And sure enough, all over the city, local construction companies aren’t fixing potholes, they’re expanding them, mostly as STPs. 

A number of locals have fallen in the potholes and died, but that is a small price to pay for creating quality places for tourists to stay during Jazz Fest.

More to come.

Michael David Raso has worked as a writer, editor, and journalist for several different publications since graduating from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. If you like this piece, you can read more of his work here.

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