Big Easy Magazine Takes Responsibility for Brees’ Injury (Satire)

As many fans have come to believe, Drew Brees’ recent injury was caused by the distraction that is Big Easy Magazine. And in a shocking revelation, it seems it had nothing to do with “Bring Your Bible to School Day.” (Not to be confused with “Bring Your Quran to Class Day.”)

As fan Jim Pudmucker pointed out in an obscenity-laden post, “If Big Easy Magazine hadn’t been around, the Saints would have won the game. As a Christian, it’s my duty to ask, ‘Who Would Jesus Send Death Threats To?’”

Credit for the Rams win goes to the awe-inspiring power that is contributing writer/editor Jenn Bentley and publisher Scott Ploof, for writing and publishing a piece critical of Drew Brees’ involvement with Focus on the Family, a group which Sponsored ‘Love Won Out,’ a conference advocating reparative therapy to de-fag-ify individuals.  

“Yes, that’s right,” said Big Easy Magazine staffer, Devin Ross, “We weren’t really trying to make a salient point about how you shouldn’t associate with hate groups and not expect to be criticized. Our actual goal was to make sure the Rams win because we’re just absolutely huge fans.” 

Faced with constant criticism and death threats, publisher Scott Ploof decided to act. In between eating pages of the Old Testament, with red beans and rice,  Ploof turned to the practice and art of New Orleans voodoo in retaliation. Taking a stuffed doll of Drew Brees, a lock of hair, and a signed autograph, he inserted several needles into doll Brees’ hand, causing him to injure himself during the actual game. 

As one huge Saints fan, Joey “Fat Mouth” Thibodeaux, put it, “It’s the plot twist none of us were waiting for. I always knew that behind their progressive message was a darker purpose.”

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Covid-19 is challenging the way we conduct business. As small businesses suffer economic losses, they aren’t able to spend money advertising.

Please donate today to help us sustain local independent journalism and allow us to continue to offer subscription-free coverage of progressive issues.

Thank you,
Scott Ploof
Big Easy Magazine

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