Tide Pod Trump Kills Satire: An Obituary

Our loving friend Satire passed away on April 23rd, 2020, when President Donald “Tide Pod” Trump raised the idea of shooting up Lysol, while inserting UV lamps rectally. Satire had a good run, what with helping put a mirror to civilization, and motivating people through humor, irony and shame to aim to improve themselves and society.

Satire loved mocking celebrities, the powerful, and the willfully ignorant, and she did it with aplomb.

While Satire loved to travel around the world, she spent most of her time in the halls of the politically powerful, especially Washington, DC.

Satire was fond of windmills that caused cancer, using nuclear bombs to stop hurricanes, descriptions of islands being in a large, wet ocean; people who hate everyone but claim to be Christians; so-called pro-life adherents who want to sacrifice the elderly for commerce, and folks who somehow wanted to make America great again by electing a game show host. For some reason, Satire also loved videos of cats playing the piano, because don’t we all? Her motto, she said, was that, “Lies are meant to be mocked.”

She was preceded in death by her cousins, Shame, who died a tragic death with the invention and propagation of “reality television;” Information, who passed with conservative talk radio and Facts, who was murdered in 2016. (No arrests have been made in the crime, although persons of interest include Sean Spicer, Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and Donald Trump, Jr.)

Sadly, Satire had suffered a long illness, since the inauguration in 2017 of the most ignorant man in the history of the world being elected president.

Those left to cherish her memory include friends Humor, Shock, and Dismay.

A small memorial service will be held in famed humorist Michael David Raso’s backyard, where his dog Rose will take a ceremonial dump on a photo of Donald J. Trump. Mr. Clean cocktails will be served. (Recipe below.)

Mr. Clean Cocktail

3 parts vodka

2 parts Mr. Clean Lemon Zest Liquid

1 part grenadine

Muddle orange peel (like Trump’s brain)

Add ice

Shake/strain into a martini glass

Add lemon twist

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