Louisiana Democrats Announce Merger With Republican Party

Newly-elected Democrat chair Katie Bernhardt announced that her first action as the state chair will be to negotiate the merger of the state’s Democratic and Republican parties.

In a DSCC video conference, Mrs. Bernhardt stressed the importance of expanding the party’s base and appeal to people who hadn’t voted Democratic since the Civil Rights Act.

“It’s imperative that we reach out to rural voters who wouldn’t vote for a Democrat previously. I have heard the complaints in the past that voters had to chose between a Republican and a Democrat to represent them, so we will be eliminating that problem. Going forward, they will have at least 2 Republicans on the ballot, guaranteed.

“We’ve also heard the concerns of minority voters, especially in the major urban areas, that the Democrats weren’t paying attention to their needs. We will make sure that this is a key part of the merger, ensuring that they can choose between a candidate who openly uses the N-word, and a candidate who uses more coded language like my friend Clay Higgins. This allows us to attract younger voters from the Lower 9th Ward or LSU, as well as voters from the Northshore or Cameron Parish who miss the days when Democrats supported segregation.

“Some people are upset by this move and say that we’re selling our soul to the Devil. That simply is not true. I already sold it last year, along with $1,000 to Clay’s PAC, in exchange for tickets to the DC Mardi Gras ball.

The Louisiana party is taking a progressive step into the future, by taking 10 steps back into the past. We’re fully confident that this will solidify us as one Louisiana, and ensure we’ll never lose another election.”

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