Six Steps for Telling Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

Telling your spouse that you want a divorce will be a defining moment in your life. And if you have an abusive marriage, there are additional risks to consider. According to experts, both you and your spouse are likely to remember the smallest details of the confrontation. You can break the news gently and gradually, but that is up to you. If you know that you want a divorce and aren’t open to negotiation, it might be better to rip that bandage off quickly.

Some suggest that you should inform your spouse that you are thinking about separating or divorcing. It is kinder to keep your partner informed about your feelings instead of blindsiding an oblivious spouse. That gives both of you time to consider your options and plan the details of living separate lives. The following steps can help you get through one of the most difficult talks of your life. 

1. Using the Civilized Approach

In ideal situations, both spouses agree that the marriage is over. You can set time aside for a frank discussion where both of you listen and kick around ideas about splitting the property and dealing with child custody issues, or go to this child custody lawyer for further information. However, even if you have no priors of violence, divorce can be such a slap in the face that passive people might turn aggressive.

In case you have a history of domestic violence, it might be better to confront them only with your final decision. Also, do not be alone. Talk to a friend or family member, someone you trust and can protect you. Your safety should always come first. It is a good idea to contact a support group or an expert to offer you more information about how to best break the news. 

2. Pick the Right Place for a Private Discussion

Picking a secluded and quiet area for the discussion eliminates potential distractions and underscores the seriousness of the subject. Private places are best, but you should discuss the matter in public if you fear a violent reaction. Stay focused, calm, and reasonable, and do not let your spouse push your buttons, which can degenerate the discussion into a yelling match. 

3. Plan What You Say

It will be easy to get distracted by dozens of issues, not to mention that emotions will be running high during the talk. That is why it is important to plan what to say. Tell your spouse why you’re unhappy and how serious your dissatisfaction has become. State clearly that you no longer want the marriage, but give your spouse a chance to respond. 

4. Prepare for an Angry Response

Unfortunately, there are no steps to avoid anger or disappointment, at best you can minimize the drama. It’s not easy to tell someone that you pledged your life to that you no longer feel the same way. And it is not easy to hear it. Be prepared for tears, anger, stress, arguments, and blame. 

5. Avoid Blame as Much as Possible

Unless the reasons for requesting a divorce are overwhelming like physical abuse, try to avoid arguing about past mistakes. This can quickly devolve into playing the blame game. State your conclusions forthrightly by telling your spouse that you don’t believe marriage counseling, a trial separation, or seeing separate therapists will fix the existing problems. 

Learn more about factors that impact the outcome of a divorce to have a better view on the state of American marriages.

6. Maintain Your Boundaries

After discussing your decision, it’s essential to maintain your boundaries even if you feel guilty or sympathetic to your spouse. Trying too hard to comfort them is a mistake because the action can be misinterpreted as a weakening of your resolve.

In some cases, your spouse might be so self-involved that they think the marriage is happy. Surprise and shock can generate sympathy on your part, but you shouldn’t allow the situation to make you reconsider your thoughtful decision to divorce.

Hiring an Attorney

One of the most important steps of getting a divorce involves hiring an attorney. Having an experienced legal professional such as this divorce lawyer Sugar Land by your side through the divorce proceedings, you make sure that your interests are always looked after. You should interview candidates carefully, and choose the one who makes you feel most comfortable. You can hire an attorney before or after discussing divorce with your spouse.


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