Make-up Sex After an Argument: Is There a Place for This in a Healthy Relationship?

No relationship exists without arguments. It is a natural order of things that helps us communicate our needs, come up with mutually beneficial decisions, and just sort things out. Besides, arguing doesn’t necessarily mean fighting, screaming, and slamming doors.

However, sometimes things get intense and turn into powerful arguments. Not seldom these arguments entail make-up sex that usually feels much better than regular intercourse, bringing both of you to the state of bliss. But is it good for your relationship to perceive sex as a reward for an argument?

In this article, you will find information about when make-up sex becomes unhealthy, why not have sex without any resolution after an argument, and tips to avoid its undesired consequences. Read on to bring real intimacy into your relationship!

Make-up Sex After an Argument: Is It Healthy?

Arguments are a part of every happy relationship. Sometimes, you just need to exchange views about something to feel better. But in some cases, the conflict becomes so intense that it takes hours or even days to resolve the issue.

It is not rare for arguments to turn into a real fight. Then, one of the partners can even feel that they don’t want to be together anymore. In order to avoid the breakup, you may satisfy yourselves with sex.

However, make-up sex should not become a regular practice in your relationship. If you have sex after an argument, it only means that you do not want to fight with each other anymore and just want to get rid of the tension. And while this seems like a positive thing at first glance, it is not always good for your relationship.

Truth be told, if there’s some tension in you after an argument, a much better alternative to make-up sex, is using sex toys (see more about them here). However, let’s first look at why having sex after an argument might not be the best idea. 

When Make-up Sex After an Argument Becomes Unhealthy

Make-up sex can have negative consequences. Here are the most common situations when having sex after an argument becomes unhealthy:

Make-up Sex Feels Like a Reward for Fighting

When you think of having sex after an argument as something that will bring you closer and make you love each other more, it becomes a reward for fighting. In reality, sex is not the right way to solve any of the issues that led to an argument and only works as a substitute for real communication.

Fighting becomes another way to get what you want from your partner. You start demanding specific actions from them in order to earn affection and sexual pleasure instead of communicating your needs openly and honestly.

Make-up Sex Formally Ends the Conflict but Doesn’t Solve Any Issues

Sometimes, people use sex as a form of reconciliation after an argument. They may think that making up with sexual pleasure is enough to restore their relationship without solving any problems or trying to understand each other’s position. As a result, arguments can continue being a regular part of your relationship without any deeper understanding between you two. Victims of this kind of relationships often feel hurt, disappointed, or not valued enough by their partners.

Make-up Sex Makes You More Tolerant Towards Your Partner’s Mistakes and Failures

When you have sex after an argument as a reward for resolving the conflict, it becomes easier for both of you to tolerate each other’s mistakes and failures in other areas of your life. While they may be ready to accept all your flaws and weaknesses, you might not be ready to do the same for them. This way, your relationship stops developing as it loses its passion and intimacy.

Make-up Sex Makes You Feel Used By Your Partner

When both of you use sex as a reward for arguing, both of you feel used by the other person. You may feel that your partner uses arguments only to get sex from you and that they do not care whether you really resolve the problem or not. 

The longer make-up sex is used in a relationship as a substitute for real communication, the more often such feelings appear in both of you. It leads to mistrust and misunderstanding between you two and ultimately ruins intimacy in your relationship.

The Bottom Line 

Every couple has an argument every once in a while – it is what keeps the relationship healthy. While usually those are trivial disagreements, sometimes they might turn into powerful fights, often leading to make-up sex. 

And let’s be honest – make-up sex usually feels much better than regular intercourse. However, is it healthy? As you could see in the article above, mostly yes. The problem starts when sex becomes the only way to end an argument without talking about the issue at hand. So, the key to it being healthy is communication. Think about it.

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