Finding out that your teenager has been teen arrested is one of those moments that can make your heart stop. It can be a misunderstanding, a lapse in judgment, or something more serious, but it’s a situation that parents do not want to face if they don’t have to. Unfortunately, many do, and the first step that you need to take is a deep breath. Once you’ve managed to do that and calmed down, then you have to take action.
The good news is that you’re not powerless here. There are so many things that you can do to navigate this challenge and help your teenager to learn from it. What’s important is that if you find out that your teenager has been teen arrested, you’re not the sort of parent who lies for them. You can’t teach your child right from wrong and then do not allow them to accept the consequences of being wrong. So here are 10 things that you should be doing if your teenager has been teen arrested.
1. Stay calm. Before you do anything else, try to keep your cool until you know the circumstances surrounding the arrest. You can’t freak out, and it’s not going to help you or your teenager. Once you’ve taken a moment to breathe, one of the first practical steps that you can do is contact a bail bondsman. If bail has been set and you’re unable to pay the full amount, they’ll be able to post bail on your behalf for a percentage of the total amount, which allows your teenager to be released into custody while you figure out what to do next. It’s fast and helpful, and it gives you time to start sorting things out.
2. Try not to assume the worst. Yes, your teenager has been teen arrested, but that doesn’t automatically mean that there is a criminal mastermind in the making or that they have a felony against their name for the rest of their life. Teenagers are underdeveloped and they will mess up. Sometimes they hang with the wrong crowd and sometimes they have impulse control issues. Sometimes they just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, so you have to stay objective until you know the full story. Ask questions, listen carefully, and just be there as a support. There is a difference between panic and accountability, and they’re going to need your support more than ever right now, even if you’re also preparing for a serious conversation later on.
3. Talk to a defense attorney. Teenager arrests are handled differently than adult ones, and that’s why it’s essential to hire a lawyer who understands juvenile law. A good attorney can explain to your teenager their rights, help to build a defense, and work to reduce charges to negotiate alternatives to detention. Don’t rely on a public defender unless you absolutely have to, because they’re often overloaded and may not have time to give your teenager the attention that their case deserves.
4. Understand what the charges are. It’s important to sit down with somebody who understands how to explain what the charges are. Are they facing a misdemeanour or a felony? Is it a first time offence? Was anybody harmed? These are the details that make a big difference in how the case proceeds. As a parent, it’s not your job to try and fix the issue here, because what’s happened has already happened and it’s about facing those consequences in the right way.
5. Don’t skip a court date. Every court date and hearing should be marked on your calendar and you should show up on time every time. Your presence doesn’t just send a powerful message to the court, but to your teenager that you are taking this seriously and you’re invested in their future. Depending on the situation, the court may even allow you to speak on your teenager’s behalf. Depending on what they’ve done, this is the support that can make all the difference when judges are deciding on leniency of sentencing options.
6. Keep an eye on your teenager’s behaviour. After an arrest, emotions can run high. Your teenager will go into fight or flight mode and think that the best thing that they can do is to run or feel scared and feel ashamed. It’s important to monitor their behaviour and their mental health during this time and that doesn’t mean you’re condoning whatever they’ve done. But if they are withdrawing and acting out then they need more support. Consider therapy and help them to process what’s happened, even if they insist that they are fine.
7. Set boundaries, but keep the communication open. Don’t be afraid to set clear expectations with your teenager. If this arrest has come as a shock, given their previous behavior has never indicated a problem, then you have to try to get to the bottom of what happened and why it went that way. What could you be doing as a parent to help to support them better or to make them feel like they are more secure? Ask what they’re thinking, but don’t lecture, just listen.then you can establish any new rules or consequences at home such as limited privileges, mandatory counselling and curfews these things can help to rebuild trust and encourage better decision making on behalf of your teen.
8. Watch who they’re hanging around with. Now is a good time to take a closer look at their social circle. You can’t blame yourself for them committing a crime, but you can be more watchful of who they’re associating with, encouraging them to engage in healthy environments and if necessary, switch them out of the school that they’re in to move them from that social circle.
9. Look at community options. There are lots of diverse programs offered in communities, along with counselling and community services options in places. Instead of formal sentencing for a juvenile offence, your teenager may qualify for a second chance option which helps them to stay out of the system and get back on track.
10. Make this a teaching moment for all of you. As tough as a teen arrested situation is, it can be a turning point. If your teenager has been spiraling for a while and the arrest has been the culmination of that spiral, then it’s time now to have honest conversations about choices and what choices they’re making as teenagers and how it can affect the rest of their lives.
